Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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