Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
