Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
