anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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