I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
