i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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