just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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