i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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