what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Boobs are out for the taking
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
