i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
