My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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