dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
