I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
