If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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