Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
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