Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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