then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
