These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
