just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
