My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I forgot how hot balto sounded
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
