Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
