hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
