the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
