So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
