also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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