I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
literally had 100 drinks last night.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
