it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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