You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I was not drunk enough for that final.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
