I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
