I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
