he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
