You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
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