In the future we'll all be gay
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
