Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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