I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
