I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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