I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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