if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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