I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
