he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
