Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
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