I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
