I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
