weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
