lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
