she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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