Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
