sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
