I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
