haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
