I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
