I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
