puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
