is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
